Category Archives: & Things

Now accepting applications for apprentice Klutzes

First Order Klutzes are not rare in the population, but they are trained from birth not to be Klutzes, and to be ashamed of their manifest Klutz gifts. The thwarting of these valiant soldiers of the cast, bandage, and ruined items of property is devastating for the economy, as well as morbid to the Klutz spirit.

I am a Klutz Master, and I am accepting applicants for the High Order of Klutz Apprentice. I figure qualified applicants should not have to work their way up.

Qualified applicants will have been admitted for emergency treatment a minimum of three times in the past five years. It’s okay if they are unable to recall how many times, as long as the minimum is met. Admission will be on account of something unusual or unaccountable. Fault is irrelevant. Family history of the Klutz trait is not necessary.

My qualifications for Klutz Master were cinched when I failed to deploy a bathmat yesterday, causing me to glide onto the ceramic floor, sit down much too abruptly, bruise my sacral spine, and fall backward so that the back of my head hit the ledge of the shower, leaving a rather large bruise and bump, and a considerably upended morning for my husband. The wait in the ER wasn’t overlong, the CT scan was negative, and the doctor was congenial and I think somewhat pro-Klutz leaning.

Take up the Klutz challenge!

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