Tag Archives: Healing

Spring is here, and my PTSD is melting

Effie’s sunshine greeting far exceeds the melting point of PTSD.

At last I am gaining perspective. It’s still weak, but I am coming around to believing that an auto accident a year ago in which no one was significantly hurt (except for a torn tendon in my right elbow that hurt for nine months; and Grünhilde, my Audi and a veritable member of the family, who was totaled) is not a sufficient reason to torque my worldview downward.

With the help of God through His Word, and my husband, my pastor and Effie, now on therapy cat duty (as she probably always has been), I am able to concede that every driver on the road is not specifically out to harm me.

Particular noteworthy Bible verses coalesced in my attention sphere this morning.

“It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority.” Acts 1:7

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

“Behold, I am vile;
What shall I answer You?
I lay my hand over my mouth.” Job 40:4

(All verses above are from the New King James Version (NKJV), © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.)

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Filed under Action & Being, Effie, Faith, Reflections

Tuesday windows

Given the blessing of structuring my own time for the most part, I suppose it satisfies my sense of order and need for self-discipline to maintain a routine, with particular household tasks assigned to particular days of the week. My task assignment logic accommodates my limited energy. So far, I have kept my current routine ever since we completed the remodeling and organization of our current home, six months after moving in five years ago.

Tuesdays I clean the inside glass and tracks and inside frames of all the windows in our house, and wipe down all upholstered chairs and the kitty hammock. The window-mounted hammock was Coolidge’s perch of choice for 13 of his 17 years. It replaced the custom bay window we made for him when we replaced all the windows in the house where we were living when we adopted Coolidge as a kitten. When we moved four years later, I saw the hammock in a catalogue for about $500 less than a custom bay window. Its fleece cradle was also softer.

For the final weeks of his life, Coolidge was too weak to jump into his hammock, and I didn’t lift him into it because I was afraid he would hurt himself trying to jump out. He no longer jumped onto window sills, or anything off the floor at all. He preferred a blanket or towel on the floor. I continued to wipe down the windows every Tuesday, even though there were no longer nose prints to wipe off.

Coolidge lived and died with his sense of autonomy for the most part intact. In his final days, I had to syringe food, and finally only water, into his mouth. I still feel the presence of crushed heart shards that seem beyond repair.

The hammock is now Effie’s. Effie is young and active, outgoing and playful; she has boundless energy and loves the outdoors that Coolidge emphatically shunned. She monitors the grounds from every window sill in the house, as well as her hammock.

A sense of purpose is restored to my Tuesday windows routine. Not only do I share play time with Effie as she pursues her white mouse toy suspended about my wrist as I clean, but once again, nose prints present themselves for wiping from the glass, and tiny toe prints for wiping from the sills, because she muddied her dainty paws a bit when I took her out in the garden. Effie is also an ace fly assassin, adding organic residue to routine nose and paw prints. Fly matter is removed upon first appearance; some things don’t wait for the Tuesday routine.

The seemingly trivial is not always trivial. A sense of purpose elevates the trivial to the purposeful. Since purpose is a human imperative, and life can too easily be trivialized, I find Effie’s nose prints on our windows at least as significant, for instance, as Descartes’ Causal Adequacy Principle.

Young Coolidge

Young Coolidge

Effie

Effie

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Filed under Action & Being, Cats, Pneumatos

Week in a blink

God has renewed me this week through fellowship with friends, reading an encouraging lecture by the ever-wise and always timely Spurgeon, an inspiring update from some Christians in a country I will not name, who are friends of a friend; and, last but perhaps a bit less, resolution of a quest for a thoroughly competent 12-ounce travel tumbler (it’s been kind of a Holy Grail thing with me).

I sometimes forget how weather changes used to bring with them migraines and other symptoms that no longer inevitably come with the clouds. I resumed drinking coffee, and somehow discovered that drinking about five or six cups over the course of the day, from morning till after dinner, brought about better sleep uninterrupted by migraines. We have had sun, wind, and rain this week, and I enjoyed each as a blessing, rather than a source of terrible pain and exhaustion. I’m not pushing a coffee protocol—there’s no question my system is weirdly wired. I’m just thankful that such a simple thing as coffee has apparently brought me so much help.

As for the ankle I sprained getting up from sitting on the floor four weeks ago, I reckon two more weeks of taping will be sufficient to declare it healed. It still hurts too much to walk with it untaped, but taped, I can walk at my usual brisk-ish clip. I tape up my ankle every morning, but I can never remember the sequence for wrapping it effectively; I doubt I’ve wrapped it exactly the same way twice, but it always works. Like my wrapping technique, God’s mercies are new every morning.

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Filed under Action & Being